Screwed.edu
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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