Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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