I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
