I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
