And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
