I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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