I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
are you so shy because you have an std?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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