Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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