Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
