I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
