u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
