did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
