So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
