YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your dad touched me again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
