trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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