I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
