Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize