This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
