I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
