she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
