Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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