pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
