just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
