Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
