halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
