Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
