I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
