Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
