dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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