dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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