someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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