i was born a porn star she said
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can I color on your dick again?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
