Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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