why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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