I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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