watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
