I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
