i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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