I'm pants shitting drunk right now
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
