Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
