She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
