yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
