Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
