it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
