why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
