I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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