my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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