On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
