Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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