A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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