you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
