he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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