dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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