Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
