yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
