it was like his penis was on wheels.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
