I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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