she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
