My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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