you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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