i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
