i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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