Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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