if i can run in heels then i can drive
she woke up with a sticky ear
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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