pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
