the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
