If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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