we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
