He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is my gift to your gina
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
