First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
