just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm passing your future prison.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
