can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
