that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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