i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
