i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
